Procrastination

I have been vigorously studying Buddhism.I have an excellent book "Daring Steps Towards Fearlessness- The 3 Vehicles of Buddhism". It has been the one book that has made sense of it for me.
Well, until I got to the third vehicle. Alas, I am distracted by having never read
"Angela's Ashes". I have read Frank McCourt's other two books and read his works in reverse order. I finished "Tis" just before St. Patricks Day. I have a aversion to reading the "popular" books everyone else reads which is why I have just gotten around to reading it now. I usually read 2-3 books at a time,but when studying profound subject matter comprehension suffers in doing this.
I am stuck in the writing of my own book.
3 reasons:
1)Procrastination- thus the title of this blog.
This condition has plagued me throughout my life,and has been made worse due to the
brain injury suffered from my aneurysm. I used to be compulsively organized, anal-retentive and annoying. Now there is crap all over my house. I spend my time with my nose in a book, or writing a blog. My brain wants stimulation,but apparently, my OCD, that kept my house clean from 1986-1994 ( the year of my stroke) , has abandoned me along with the right front lobe of my brain.
2) OCD-The only area of compulsivity I have left is in the written form. I am so anal about my writing being perfect, that I self edit repeatedly. It has become OCD- like.
The kudos I receive for my writing are amusing to me, because all of this writing is off-the-cuff. I think and indeed, speak this way, so that is how I write. However, I do edit this blog repeatedly too.
3)Observation- I need people to use as writing fodder. My characters are shamelessly based on real people. Those that know me will find themselves in my writing, at least in part.
Having been quarantined last week, I missed the observational stimulation.


I am trying to utilize focus in an almost meditative state to "get my shit together" as my Mother would say.I am not very good at following a set schedule. I have been better at it during college, because once again, I must get all 4.0's.My house during college classes looks like a crack house. My Mom tells the Aunt's " she's an honor student, she works. Something has to give somewhere" I am walking the tightrope of perfection. I have just enough OCD to drive myself nuts, but enough brain damage to render me helpless to follow through.
To quote my Mom once more "shit or get off the pot" and so I begin Spring cleaning.