Time Marches On

Today I am 45 years old.
Here are some random thoughts.

I am in a very scary place right now. My unemployment benefits have been exhausted and I am still without a job. I am fervently looking for employment. The scariness lies in the thought that I could lose my apartment, have to move in with my parents and my son would have to live with his dad in order to finish high school with his class. He doesn't want that scenario and neither do I. Amidst all of the terror, I find myself peaceful in nature. Driving along the lake this morning, I realize how beautiful the world is. I am genuinely happy for the most part. Fear is my adversary.

Politically, I am neither a Democrat or Republican, because I see problems with both parties. I am sooooo sick and tired of Conservatism being hateful though. It is hate in the guise of Conservatism and Fascism in the guise of morality. Anyone else applying the same tactics would be considered a terrorist.

I do not call others to a standard of my morality. I personally would never have an abortion, but I realize I am not the judge of others. I have remained celibate since my divorce in 2001. I really don't want sex outside of marriage, but I am certainly not going to stand out in the street with a sign condemning those that do. I am a Christian and a Catholic, but I do know that not everyone shares my faith. America is NOT A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY! We have freedom of religion; meaning you can worship or not worship whatever deity you see fit. I don't want the government and church connected and neither should you. Absolute power corrupts absolutely and all.

Just some random thoughts. Everyone thinks they know what I think, so I thought I'd let everyone know; I'm not that simple (stupid)

BFF

In looking back at my life, I realize I've had very few real friends. I have only experienced 2 or 3 friends that were actually true.
I have had a lot of people that hung around for what they could get out of the friendship. Usually either because I was acquainted with someone they wanted to know or involved in something I was into, like music.
I look at friendship as having similar interests and really being a caring person. There seem to be all too few people like that. I have many "friends", but I can only think of 2 that I would call if I were in dire need of talking, and even then, I'm not certain they would be available.
I'm not certain what the problem is. I try to reach out to others and be a good friend, but it seems to be a waste of time. They never call me, invite me to meet up for coffee or dinner, or even send me an e-mail.
It seems to be nearly impossible to make friends now that I'm past 40.
*sigh*