Talkin' 'bout a resolution

I am looking forward to 2008. 2007 sucked and I am hoping an eventual change in administration and personal changes in my attitude are going to have a big impact.
I am returning to the diet program that allowed me to lose 35 pounds to shed the rest of the weight which will take the entire year to do.
One of the main changes in my life is going to be how I handle other people.
Because of a damaged self image, from years of emotional abuse, I often allow "friends" to treat me in a way that is very disrespectful. I have cast myself forever in the role of sad little girl just pleading for the other kids to play with her. After having several bad starts last year I am quite determined to rid myself of that thinking. I am a valuable person. I shouldn't be waiting breathlessly for the small scraps of love, attention and human kindness. I give lovingly to others. I care about people, I have tired of the one-sided relationships.I have decided I have enough self love to not allow others to talk down to me or ignore me. Are you my friend? Prove it! Act like one!
An old friend of mine said it best
"Don't get all in my Kool-Aid, when you don't even know what flavor it is"

Haunted Holiday

I wrote this last year and it still seems appropriate. I don't feel as sad as I was last year, and I have a new feisty attitude that holds promises of taking me far.
Here's to Christmas, whatever they may hold!




I am haunted by memories.
Memories of holidays spent with cousins I knew would always be my best friends.
Memories of Grandmothers that made crafts, cookies and always had one of us read the Book of Luke description of the birth of Jesus on Christmas Eve..
First Christmas's spent with new lovers, first trees together that were entirely too big and expensive, making love by the glow of the holiday lights.
First Christmas's with new babies; dressed up for holiday photos.
Singing with friends at school or in Madrigal tours.
But friends move away, so do cousins, lovers leave, babies grow up, and Grandmas die.
It's all different now. Holidays mean longer hours at work, nights alone by the tree, kids busy with their own friends. I don't sing anymore either.
I hope my Holiday's change soon.

Powerful

I've decided that I can either be powerful or pitiful.

I've been pitiful and that doesn't get me anywhere. So powerful it is. I'll journey ahead afraid of all of the situations I'll confront, but full steam ahead it is.

Working 2 jobs, dealing with teenagers, and ongoing poverty do tend to stress one.

I shall prevail however!

To quote Chumbawumba " I get knocked down, but I get up again".

God that band sucked, but I applaud the sentiment.