Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Olden Days




Northern Michigan is not for the faint of heart.
When leaving for Up North on Wednesday, the temperature both in Detroit and there was 40 degrees. My snow crocus bulbs were peeking up as were the greens of the daffodils.
Up North,it quickly became cold. Highs in the 20's, lows in the single digits. The people in town are rough around the edges. Long beards, flannel shirts, strong boots and the women don't look much different. Our citified appearance; non- rugged boots,makeup, designer glasses,long hair on the boys, we stood out as being "Flat Landers" from down state.
The mini thaw left the 8 inches of snow with an icy crust that allowed, in spots, my dog and I to stand on top of it without sinking into the snow.
I took a few pictures and quickly realized that I was not properly equipped for a snow adventure. I had my double breasted wool coat and fleece gloves. I still wear the moon boots similar to the ones in Napoleon Dynamite. They are tacky,but they're warm.
Going Up North is so different from when I was a kid.
We would leave early in the morning in the back of a pickup truck outfitted with a cap. The only heat came from the front sliding window . We had speakers from the front that played oldies which we sang to. We sat on the floor and had pillows to cushion our butts. Sometimes we would stop at the Bay City McDonalds and get Grandpa's Bay City Mud aka coffee. We would eat our Happy Meals and play hand clapping games like Miss Lucy. If we had to go to the bathroom, there were no Rest Areas. We found a good spot with trees to squat behind with the roll of tissue. Legs spread wide as not to pee on your own feet.
Often we would stop at Pinconning and get smoked fish, cheese and crackers. We interacted with the adults of 2 generations. My Grandma would tell tales of cooking on the truck engine in Alaska during a hunting trip. We would hear stories of dancing in Detroit, at The Grande Ballroom, in the 30's with rowdy farm boys and drinking out of flasks. Our parents would relate stories of where they were during J.F.K.'s assassination or the Detroit Riots.
Soon, we'd arrive in Mio,on Popps Road, at The Little One, our Grandparent's rustic cabin with no indoor plumbing, or running water. We had a pump for water. In the summer we bathed in the Au Sable river, which you did quickly as not to freeze off parts you might want to use again. In the Winter, you took a PTA bath with an old fashioned wash bowl, hot water heated on the stove and rough hewn washcloth.
( The acronym uses slang for female part for letters one and two)
(Figure it out)
We heated it with an oil stove that was treacherous and cantankerous. There were 2 bedrooms. One with a double bed, for the Grandparents, one with bunk beds and a trundle for wee ones. There was a 50's style wrap around couch that could sleep two adults as well as a floor that with Hudson Bay wool blankets as a cushion, slept 2 more.
We ate hobo dinners which were beef patties, sliced onion and potatoes, salt and pepper,wrapped in foil and cooked on the fire. We ate our food on vintage 30's Fiestaware and cooked on iron skillets.You ate a lot of eggs and bacon.You ate a lot of fish and game too. Grandma made homemade sardines and pickled eggs with beets.
Grandma knitted bootie slippers for everyone that had little balls on the top. Even the men wore them, although they got manly colors like dark blue and green.
We had handmade quilts of jean material, that rendered a child immobile. When you were tucked in, there you'd stay.
There was an outhouse called Big John, that had calendars with pinup girls from the 40's and 50's, hence my love for that art form.The stench was horrible in the summer, and you froze your butt in the winter. At night you used the chamber pot for #1 only.
We brushed our teeth outside,walked a half mile to the Au Sable to swim, made rugs from braided bread bags,caught fireflies, found and consumed wintergreen leaves and berries, morel mushrooms, blueberries,and the new shoots of ferns, called Fiddleheads, were gathered and sauteed in butter. They tasted of asparagus. We'd take hikes, gather rocks, watch bugs in the summer and snowmobile in the winter. There was no TV and radios barely worked. No phone either.



Now my kids avoid conversation and oldies with MP3 players, bring their portable TV's with Gamecube and X Box and play Halo and Tony Hawk's Underground. They chat with friends on their cell phones and surf the web on the computer. They watch satellite TV.
In the winter, they barely go outside except to take pictures for photography,and go to the beach across the street in the summer rarely because they don't like the locals, who view my clean, non tatooed, non smoking, non drugging, sex free teenagers as freaks.
Yes, I am "old". I long for a rustic cabin in the boonies (except for a laptop, so I can write.) I am citified, but I can remember not being such a wuss.
My kids will never know the beauty of silence, gathering food from nature and entertaining themselves. Damned city......

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Up North


(View from Mom and Dad's front yard)



Up North
Crisp white snow
Untrodden and pure
What kind of animal left those tracks?
Coffee in the morning
Thick sliced bacon and free range eggs
The love only a Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa can give
Sledding on high hills
Narrowly missing trees
Turns at the last minute
Ice fishing for the first time
Grandpa's special shanty
Jet black nightfall
Stars close enough to touch
Huge bonfire
Marshmallows,chocolate bars, and graham crackers melded into ecstasy
I hope I never have to come back

Sunday, February 18, 2007


While longing for companionship and feeling lonely, I find that I am probably in need of self-induced exile from this world.
I need to stop looking for people to fulfill me, because they always disappoint and lead me to believe I am unworthy of their time. I have a lot of anxiety about doing things by myself. Partly because I am insecure,partly because I have had some unfortunate incidents of public humiliation that cause even more anxiety.
I have a lot to do including; organizing my house, looking for a better paying job that will allow me to remain in my home, writing my book, college in fall,getting my yard in shape, and keeping my kids from running amok. (My kids have 2 parents,but the other one is not all that involved.)
I have always looked outside of myself for completion. I certainly wasn't enough. The media tells me daily how I am not worthy of love or anything good life has to offer. I'm too fat, not educated enough,too poor, and too dorky.
I think perhaps it is time for me to just make myself feel comfortable with being alone. Just to know I am okay because I am a creation of God. That should be good enough, but in the past has just left me feeling unloved, unappreciated and depressed. I feel as though I am only usefull to people when I am giving of myself,but I have no right to expect anything in return,like kindness or friendship.It's expected of me,just not returned.
I know I am a good person. I just feel as though no one else knows or cares. I am an intelligent person.I just don't "get" people.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Writer


My mind races at an unbelievable rate. I am bored very easily and I read multiple books at the same time. ADD? Maybe, but I do retain what I read. I actually integrate it into memory and retrieve it at a later date.
I work super efficiently when I have a lot to do. I am at my best and most organized
while working full time and attending college. My home tends to be neater. I am energized and pull A's.
So with this in mind, I have decided to take all of the "stuff"floating through my brain and write a book. I guess. Well, I will write it but? Well, we'll see.
I have a wide variety of interests including: murder, forensic pathology, crime scene investigation, religions and the occult, medicine, nutrition, mysteries,and parapsychology. I think I can make something of all of those things.
Oh,and my main character? An overweight amateur sleuth that works in retail. Sound familiar?
Hey, don't laugh, J.K. Rowling was once an impoverished single mom on welfare.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Healthy?


I like magazines. Their glossy ultra fantastical world is amusing and some of them are informative.I personally subscribe to Real Simple, Vanity Fair and U.S. New and World Report. It's been slow at work so I looked at Women's Health and Men's Health. It keeps me informed as to the trends my customers seem to hop on monthly.What new supplement will keep them young and thin.
Looking at these mags leads me to conflicting views of self-image and relationships.
It makes me sad.

1) If I don't look perfect I'd better get lipo, a trainer, designer clothes, and $200 face cream or BOTOX.

2) I'd better jog, spin or work out somehow for 2 hours a day.

3) I need to travel to exotic locations or I'm just a tourist.

4) My home had better look really cool and be perfectly organized.

5)Men want sex,women want relationships- The men's mag tells men how to get great sex and avoid relationships; The women's tells them how to avoid those types of men.

6) I must listen to "cool" music, which invariably means hip-hop which I dislike, love Ultra Modern art,( pass) and drink either scotch or martinis. ( yuck)

7) In order to attract a man I must be thin or curvaceous, demure or assertive, act disinterested or pursue with fervor.

I must be really old or just out of it. Yes, I want to look good, be thinner and healthier. I am overweight but I am doing something about it; Good old diet and exercise. 40% raw foods, low glycemic carbs. I am starting Pilates. I look much younger than my 42 years. Most people guess me at 30-34. I don't use fancy stuff. Organic olive oil and aloe cream,tea tree cleanser. I am nice. I try to be kind to others. I have morals and values,and I am accepting of others differences.
But........
I'm not cool, I'm not thin, I don't go to the right clubs, drive the right car, or like the right art.
So I'll stay alone forever?
However, if the only things others are looking for are the aforementioned list, I'd rather be alone because I'm looking for something more than being the coolest. I have a much higher standard.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Pity Party's Over


Wow.
Usually after I have a sad, weepy day of self-pity, I get a rush of super busy accomplishment. Today was no exception.
Here's the list:

Cleaned the kitchen
Washed all dishes
Made Caesar Salad with Shrimp for dinner.
Made a huge lasagne for Evan's birthday dinner tomorrow.
( he'll be 14 and 2-3 of his friends are coming over for dinner and to share the GIANT cookie I ordered for his birthday)
Picked up Abi's glasses
Bought a bunch of stuff at Walgreens including a new space heater.

I have come to the conclusion that in order for me to remain relatively sane, I have to allow myself a small pity party and get through it. A night of good friends, homemade chili and a bunch of crap on TV with beer and cigs helps too.
Life's not so bad. Just boring...... Oh well.......

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Complaint Department


Uh, excuse me,I'd like to know where to return this life.
" Is there something wrong with it?"
Yes actually, I understand that throught trials we become stronger.I understand love thy neighbor, I know Christ died for my sins. The probelem is,; this life is really dull. I'm bored by my own life. Day in, day out, work, clean, cook, sleep. Same thing the next day. There are no twists, turns, unexpected surprises. Just uninspiring and lonely. The monotony is numbing.
"I'm sorry ma'am,there isn't a refund policy including boring."
Just as I thought.
So now what?

Saturday, February 3, 2007




An actual conversation at my job.
This is why I often wonder why God doesn't just crush me already.


" Hi can I help you?"
" Everything is buy one get one free today right?"
" No sir,not until Monday and Tuesday"
" Can't you just do it today?"
" No sir, it's against company policy, I could lose my job"
" Oh, come on. Just do it"
" I'm sorry sir, I can't"
" Well, I'll go to GNC"
" I'm sorry to hear that sir"
" Then do what I asked you to"
" Sir, I have 2 kids and a mortgage. Would you pay me 20,000 a year plus medical if I lose my job"
" I don't find that very funny"
" No sir,unfortunately, neither do I"

He complained. I was written up. All for obeying company policy.
Ah yes, I love corporate America.