A Reason To Get Up

I am one of those people always looking over my shoulder for the next bad thing to happen. I know it's coming and I'll keep myself on edge looking for it.
Let's face it, there's never enough money or time in life. I tend to live in either denial about my finances or in sheer terror. I simply cannot live like most of my friends. I don't have the means. I can't drop a $100 on a family visit to the waterpark, or even spend the money to go to the movies. It simply isn't there. The denial comes when I feel as though I should have some discretionary income. I spend and then I fall behind.That's when the terror begins. I am resolving to keep myself on task and within my means.
I have to and here's why;I have been sick since I lived in my mold infested home, which I lost to foreclosure. I slept in a bedroom blanketed with mold in the attic and in my closet. I spent nights sleeping on one side of my bed while a pan caught the dripping water on the other side of my bed. I was very sick with pneumonia several times and my immune system hasn't been the same ever since. Living in such a way gave me an inkling of what homelessness would be like. The horror of living in something unihabitable, never knowing whether you would even have that miserable place as shelter. My unemployment will run out in 6 months. I need to find job that will pay at least $1000 a month and work around my college schedule. My nursing degree is the thing that gives me hope for a future, so it is THE priority.
These are the things that keep me from living life joyfully. It all comes down to fear. I have a reasonable fear of where my poverty could lead to. I have seen people in my same situation fall by the wayside into homelessness and misery, and I am realistic enough to know that a simple click of my heels and wishing on a star isn't going to change things.
The unreasonable fears keep me from doing anything at all. I have this idea that I cannot enjoy anything until I have absolute security.That "God" will get me for enjoying myself when my life is hanging by a thread.I'm not sure there will ever be such a time. But I do know that life isn't worth living if I can't enjoy some of it.
I am poor and often sick, but like most folks, I want to feel as though there is something worth getting up for. I'm still looking, but I can't find it.

Right Wing

I am so sick of hate.
It's everywhere. Some of it stems from fear. People often hate what they don't understand.There is another form of hate that makes me fearful. Arrogance.
During my disastrous marriage, I bought into that Right Wing Religious Based type of arrogance wrapped in a feeling of righteousness and superiority. God's blessed and chosen crap. I see this sort of arrogance daily now from so-called Republicans. Oh there's plenty of hate to go around; Catholics,gays, single moms, minorities,the poor, fat people, or anyone else deemed less-than-desirable. These same people call themselves "Christians", which horrifies me to my very core. Here's the thing; Christ would condemn their behavior. We were never called to hate. Politics aside, since when is it weak to help the helpless?


The Gospel: ( Thanks Be to God)
Jesus said, "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. Then the king will say to those at his right hand, 'Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.' Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?' And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.' Then he will say to those at his left hand, 'You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?' Then he will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

Matthew 25:31

It's all about love people, not hate.