Liar

I have discovered something very disturbing about myself. It causes discomfort even confessing it.
I could be a great con woman.
Customers believe me when I say things. I pretend to be profoundly interested in their conversation, even seemingly amused, but I don’t mean it. I am able to feign sincerity very convincingly.
Like a super hero with a special power, I try not to abuse it. I use it only when necessary, like getting out of tickets, and recently, having my car towed. It’s frightening how easily the little lies slip out with the wide eyed look of innocence. Not that I don’t feel horrible right afterwards. I chastise myself for being such a weasel.
I am the person that will cheer in your corner making you feel like you can do anything.
I exude a quality of positive energy. I feel like I can do anything while in the midst of this surge of exuberance, because the person I’m talking to believes it too.
The only person I can’t ever convince is myself. I know what a liar I am. I don’t believe a thing I say.
The fact that I feel guilt is the only thing that assures my ultimate redemption.
Ongoing deceit isn't something I can hold up under.

Mom, Manager, Writer, Singer, Student

I have decided that my procrastination is the bane of my existence.
I have great plans and when my back is against the wall, I discover an amazing ability to accomplish huge tasks. However......
I have goofed off getting my financial aid for college. This may mean I have to wait until winter to go. I'm getting too old to put this off.
I need to update my resume and find a job that pays better or is at least closer than 30 miles one way.
My new home is organized, so I'm not entirely lazy. In fact, it never is about being lazy. It's a matter of priorities. Doing what really matters in a timely fashion.
My Zoloft seems to be keeping my thoughts together better. I'm not so scattered.
I need to be the bitchy Mother figure in my own life to keep myself on task.
My creativity is at a high point. I feel like I can do everything I need to do.
Now just to find the time.

Jazz Baby

I have found myself deeply entrenched in the past.
I love history as it relates to the real ways in which people lived. Wars, dates ect- they're boring to me.
I went to the library and checked out the pictorial history of Detroit 1910-1930, and a book about Hudsons. That led me to another book called " The Devil In The City" about a serial killer taking place during the World's Fair in Chicago in 1893.
History and crime. Oooohhhh, now you're talking.
this has led me to get more books about my favorite era- 1920-1930.
Work is slow. I am bored, so I have been reading a book a day for the last two weeks. the librarians know me now and aren't surprised that I check out 12 books at a time. I do read them all too.
I long to return to the past. My home reflects that too in it's decor.
I feel an urge to write another book, already bored by trying to write the other one. My computer is officially DEAD, so I have to go to the library. Unfortunately, I am one of those folks that talk out the book before writing it. I can't to that in the library, lest I get kicked out or locked up for talking to "the voices".
My Mom says I'll never meet anyone with my nose in a book all of the time. I say, fine. Imaginary men are far more interesting to me at this point anyhow!

The single most annoying thing about this summer cold is all the the plans it destroyed. I had Sunday and Monday off. I was finally going to have time to seek adventure in my little downtown area. Alas, Saturday night found me with a sore throat and sneezing. By Sunday it was a full-blown cold including runny nose, slight fever, sweating and cough.
Today is the first day I've ventured out. I am at the library, tissue in hand.I'm not nearly as grotesque as yesterday. I can smell things a bit today. I showered and dressed to take my daughter to work.
All the plans......Pastry Shoppe, Java and Juice at Atoms, perhaps a light lunch at the corner Diner, re potting my new herbs, finally emptying the boxes of cookbooks into the cupboard; all for naught.
Maybe I can try again. My next weekend off is the same one as my Open House Party.
I somehow think I'll be a bit busy that day.
Damn you virus!