Rising From The Ashes

I have been in an ongoing quest to rid myself from anxiety. Part of this process is identifying the sources of anxiety. This has been painful, insightful, cleansing and makes me feel even more anxious.
I can work through my insecurities from my weight and my looks. I can actually deal with that. Being fat can change and I'm not hideous.
My biggest source of anxiety is my inability to find employment. I have unemployment through the summer, as long as all of the expected extensions go through the Senate. Then, however, I am on my own. If I can't get a job to make at least $400 a month, I will be evicted, my son will be forced to live with his dad,and I will have to move in with my parents up north, where I can finish my education, but my possibilities of employment will be even less. I try to remain hopeful, but this is the source of my major anxiety, insomnia and digestive problems. Plain and simple; STRESS. This stress and feeling of being a complete loser keeps me from wanting to be near other people. I am very fragile and fearful. I actively avoid people because I need to believe in myself, trust in God and I have a history of letting other's define me. I am going to keep working on me and part of that is surrounding myself with kind and caring people Also being strong enough to not allow others to make me feel bad about myself. I am doing my part in looking for employment and I am trusting in God, but I know God isn't a Genie to grant wishes, and even those with Faith can lose everything.

Antisocial

Since high school, I have always felt like an outsider. I like different things than most people, I don't indulge in "fake" behaviors. I am what I am. I say what I feel and I mean what I say.
Lately I have been avoiding people even more than normal and it has me worried. I have been suffering with anxiety for a few years now. I think to some extent, I've always had it. I really would rather stay home than go out most of the time. I miss human interaction so I do go out, but groups of people really put me off.
I know a lot of it is insecurity. I wasn't the "cute" girl in HS. I only had one boyfriend in HS and he was gay (literally). I never fit in and I marched to my own tune even then.
What I am trying to sort out is whether I am doing something to make others dislike me, or whether I am just too "sensitive". Part of me really wants to know, but the other part of me wants to shut the door and be alone.