Woefully unprepared

My former life as a mother and housewife has ill-prepared me for the corporate world.
My identity was in fostering good feelings in people. Support, nurture, kindness.
Christianity has led me to desire to be kind, giving, loving and yes, even to love my enemies. I feel I am a pretty decent person. I try to be anyway.
None of this is a good thing in my current occupation. I can utilize my good nature to lure in customers, and if I follow the corporate desires, convince them to buy things whether there is an actual benefit or not. I feel not unlike the snake-oil salesmen of days of old. I am at a crossroads in my job. I dislike it, no that's not strong enough; I HATE IT! I am paid very little and much is expected. I have to drive 30 miles one way. The company has managed to suck all humanity out of my position.
" The numbers don't lie. You're only as valuable as your average sale and profitability." It's so not me. I have had to become something I barely recognise as myself in trying to keep my kids and I alive, housed and fed. I am now compromising ethics I vowed to keep as a medical assistant.
There are few opportunities in this area. I remain hopeful, but it's getting harder to do so. I often wish I could just be a soulless asshole. It would be easier to cope. Alas, it's just not in me.

Everyday I write the book

I had a conversation with my Mom this morning. She has been praying that God would guide me to a new career. I have been praying the same for quite a long time.
In another conversation with a co-worker about God's blessings on the attempts we make to change our lives, I confessed that I always make a point to look to what God blesses as far as what things to pursue. God's blessings have not been on my goal of a medical career. I'm good in that field at least as far as educationally. Let's face it though, I'm a bit old to be starting out in a physically demanding career in medicine and I have my own medical problems.
The only thing that seems to get any decent response is my writing. Not everyone even reads my blog, but those that do give me positive feedback. This year my aim is to write as much as possible and see where it leads me. This will undoubtedly mean seeking a second job to pay my bills, but rather than waste a lot of time and energy on college, that has thus far, led me down the garden path, I shall endeavor to reach a new goal. Let's see what God blesses.