If It Were Not For Hopes,The Heart Would Break

I have been feeling pretty low lately and have been soul searching as to what the problem may be.
When I was divorced in March of 2001, I felt giddiness. I was free from a loveless, emotionally abusive marriage. I could be and do anything. I started college right away and was amazed to find that after years of being told how stupid and useless I was, I was an honor student; 4.0 GPA , Deans List, Phi Theta Kappa. I was assured that I would complete my program as a medical assistant and be picked up by a doctor’s office within weeks of my internship.
I was sure that I would find someone that I could at least date and perhaps even find someone that might love me.
I was sure that I could fix up my house, get to the point where my ex and I could be on normal speaking terms, since we have two kids together.
What I got was a certificate that isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Michigan is in the worst financial crisis since the Depression. I haven’t dated yet; partly because I am sure I give off a “get away from me” vibe and because I haven’t really met more than two people I’d be interested in dating, and they’re not interested in me. The ex and I are still contentious. He still treats me as though I’m retarded.
Looking at the cover to my Regina Spektor CD, I see the title “Hope”.
Eureka! That’s it! Hope. I have lost hope.
The bible says
“ Hope deferred makes the heart grow weak”
Also: “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, to give you hope and a future”
Buddha says “Hope is merely another face of desire”.
Okay, so Buddha bugs me. Is all of life just “whatever”? If I walk around like all I see is unreality, then why should I give shit about the poor. Shouldn’t they just be satisfied with their lot in life? This is why I am not a Buddhist.
So do all of these religious quotes apply to me personally I wonder? I still haven’t found out. But lack of hope is the source of all of my negativity as of late. I just can’t see what I have to be hopeful about. I am grateful to be alive, not homeless or addicted.
But the bible also says to “fix our eyes on what not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.”
I find just enough hope to get up every morning but not enough to make me feel like life is fantastic.
Does anyone know which aisle they keep the Hope in?