Introducing Evan

It’s a daunting task, introducing your old high school friend to your new friends.
Would they like him? Would he like them?
I have made it a personal goal to only spend my time with people that are worthwhile.
I had spent many years in a loveless marriage. I had to endure “his” friends who were in my estimation, unworthy to lick my shoes. These were people whose entire life was spent using others to their own benefit, or dismissing anyone they deemed useless because they weren't cool or rich enough.
I look at my life here as a learning experience. I want to enrich the lives of others; I want to feel loved, respected, and return the same sentiment.
My fears were unsubstantiated. Evan was the same person that I remembered from 23 years ago. Fun, adventuresome, chatty. My friends are as well, so the mix was right. Our time was rather limited so it was a very short visit. Everyone was still recovering from their Christmas get togethers.
Off to The Whiskey in the Jar, a self proclaimed “dive bar”. Very small, great jukebox, pool table, and cheap drinks. You can still talk in this bar, and be heard. There is no bouncer collecting a cover charge, making sure you’re “dressed appropriately”. The fact that you’re dressed is good enough. (It says on the My Space site “crotch must be covered most of the time”)
Perfect environment for a reunion of sorts. Since my friends are smart- asses of the highest order, the obnoxiousness began immediately. Much mocking of music, the couple next to us dry-humping on the bar stools was a tremendous source of amusement, nipple itching. (Inside Joke).
On the large screen TV was Beerfest featuring boobs and beer. The jukebox blaring
Birdhouse in Your Soul and Istanbul Not Constantinople, by They Might Be Giants.
Gin and tonic, beer, cigarettes, talking, dancing.
Alas it was all over too soon.
Everyone has to work tomorrow and Christmas had been draining.
A subtle sadness washes over me. Evan is a great friend, although we don’t see one another often. He remembers me when I had my shit together so much more than I do now, and before I was The Mom. Just me, Denise; The Person. I probably won’t see him for another year possibly longer.
Also, a realization that I have been something to someone else, my entire adult life. I was not my own person. I was someone’s wife, and basically an accessory and I was Mom. That is the struggle I have now. I am a 41 year old woman becoming, for the first time, my own entity. It is a painful process. I feel that I am socially stunted. I haven't done anything daring since I was 19. I have been so inexperienced in dating and sex that I feel retarded or virginal. Wanting love but still feeling unworthy. The old wounds, still unhealed.
I have great friends that support me and keep me feeling valuable and worthwhile. I have to be reminded often that I am a decent person worthy of love and time. (Unheard of in my marriage).
I feel as though I am finally up to the challenge.