Social Pariah

I am an opinionated person. Were I a male person, I'm sure I would get less grief than I do as a woman. I really don't like people that waffle and refuse to commit to an opinion. I see it as very untrustworthy.Opinions do differ. I am accepting of differences, but a wise teacher taught me that where my personal rights begin, yours end.
You don't like Christianity? Don't become one. I won't rub mine in your face, so please don't mock my beliefs.You say you don't like gay people getting married? Great, don't marry someone of the same gender. What makes you so important that you get to decide someone's life choices?
I like people for the most part. I feel as though I lack some sort of connect with most though. I just can't live in a downy cocoon and pretend everything is sunshine and lemon drops. I was a house- mouse for years, mostly out of fear. It's often very easy for some to live in their own little world, full of small tasks, never seeing suffering,loneliness, poverty.I see crap and I want to fix it. I want to help others, not retreat from ugliness.
I am not poverty stricken. I am poor.
There is a huge difference. I can exist on very little. I can give to my church, mostly by good deeds, not cash.But I am alone; utterly. Devoid of friends.
In making connections, I find it is hard to hang with two parent families, because I am always the 5th wheel. Other singles are relentlessly looking for Mr. Next and I am not even looking. I often find myself grieving for lack of companionship. Just a friend to do things with. It rarely works out. They either find a significant other or just seem not to click.
I am examining what it is like to be a happy go lucky, non-opinionated, person. They seem happy, but are they? They'll never tell you if they're miserable. They have the mask on, or perhaps they don't feel anything anymore.That's kind of creepy to me.
I recently read "Not Even Wrong" by Paul Collins about his journey with his son's autism and his historical research on the subject. His son couldn't form personal relationships with outsiders. It hit a nerve.I have that problem too. I never seem to know how to "make friends". People seem to like me. They tell me I'm fun or funny, but they never invite me over to dinner. They don't call and ask if I want to go to the movies. Other people do have friends, I've seen it. It's elusive to me. Maybe I'm socially retarded? All I know is that I dread holidays,and weekends.Now, more than ever.