I am one of those people that tend to think all of the time. My brain is in college mode so it's always on the go. Algebra, anatomy and physiology require a lot of memorization and I have also found, a good excuse to ignore the parts of my life I don't like thinking about.
I don't have a personal life. I have very few friends that I see other than the ones I have on Facebook. I haven't dated since my divorce in 2001. I put it all on the back-burner in the quest to make a living. It was an overwhelming and daunting task, having been a stay-at-home mom and housewife for most of my adult life. I'm just not sure where to begin. I am involved in church, but in a Catholic church,there aren't a lot of singles. I am at least a decade older than the oldest person in my classes. Most 44 year old women aren't starting all over again in their career. Even just having friends to hang out with has proved to be difficult.Everyone is busy and in this economy, scrambling to find work, in college, or just trying not to lose their job.
I'm not sure what the solution will be. There are many times where I don't want a relationship because I feel it will get in the way of my goals. I look at others and envy their relationships. Maybe I just don't know how to do this? I'm not sure. I am not a shy person by any means. For a long time I felt I didn't deserve to have a relationship because I was too fat, divorced and somehow "tainted",or echoes of my ex made me feel I was a horrible person that no one would ever love. I don't buy into any of that anymore, but on a beautiful Sunday morning, I find myself longing for companionship. Just confirmation that I am a person worthy of spending time with.
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