High Anxiety

In my lifetime I have sung in front of hundreds of people at a time, I have been on a live television show, I have been taped singing for another tv show. Fear has never been an issue in those performance arenas. I have typically been fearless in most areas of my life until recently.
I was married young (21) and I went from my Mom and Dad to my husband. I have never lived on my own as an adult until my divorce. At the time of my divorce, I relied heavily on my church for support and they were there. Several years later and they weren't willing to do much because I had become a burden (?). Nothing was ever said, but the response was very cold. I left my church and no one seemed to be too disturbed by that. I couldn't pay all of my bills, I received less than my required child support then, and I ended up losing my home to foreclosure. All of this is unnerving to say the least. I managed to find the home of my dreams and I have moved in. Another glitch- The State has changed the way it pays out child support. My exes pay periods are opposite of theirs. So this month I had to wait 3 weeks to get a check. Keep in mind that it is nearly a third of my income. My home phone and cell are shut off. I will be late with the rent. Panic!
I have discovered that the little imps of destruction I wrote about recently have led me to panic attacks. They are nasty little buggers.
I can't think. I throw up. I sweat and shake. I can't function or leave the house.
I do remember feeling like this before, but I would press through or some sort of "miracle" would occur so that I could take care of business.
I guess God is "growing me up" and perhaps even pushing me to go beyond my comfort zone. God is a Father after all. What father doesn't want their baby to grow up and fly solo?
A visit to the doctor today has less of a spiritual viewpoint.
I am depressed, with good reason, my doctor adds. His directive?
Zoloft and Xanax.Counseling ( gasp, another expense) Lets see how you do. Maybe the Zoloft is short term until the crisis passes. My anxiety ridden viewpoint can't see past this week. So, although I'm not a subscriber to "better living through Chemistry" (sorry Evan),I'll take my meds. I even try to find counseling. I am not sad.
Just scared shitless.