When my friend Evan G. visited from NY over the holidays, he made a statement to me that has stuck with me and had actually inspired a couple of the blogs I recently posted.
The statement was that " I had made a mark on the world" because I am the parent to 2 wonderful kids. It took me aback. I did take my parenting job very seriously. I do however feel in devoting as much time to them as I have, I have stunted myself as a person. I had envisioned a life for myself filled with travel, adventures and acclaim for my vocal abilities.
I am instead as well travelled as one can be having only gone to Ohio, Illinois, Ontario and Wisconsin, a state portrayed as worse than going to hell in Dogma. ( I don't really agree, I liked it) I've never seen the ocean. I've only flown in a 4 seater Cessna, for a total of 1/2 hour, never on an airliner.
I never sing anymore. My daughter is the vocalist now. My son too.
I have had 2 men in my life EVER. Kinda sad about that one too. One was gay, the other was my ex. Neither was right for me, obviously, or particularly empowering to me as a person.
I have a certification as a medical assistant, but I still don't even have my associates degree. I will be re-entering college in the fall. It is a daunting task when raising teenagers and having to work full time.(I will be in a pre-med program. )(Scary!)
I know I probably have a bit more time before I bite the big one, but I'm on the downside of the rest of my life now. I try not to be sad about it.
I have some new friends that are a blast. But I am older than them by 8 years and more. I feel like a teenager again because I stopped being a "person" at 19 and feel as though I'm picking up where I left off.
Yeah, I've had kids which many of my childless friends admire, but the grass isn't necessarily greener, I assure you. At what cost I keep asking myself. I have a lot of living to do in the next 20-30 years. I don't want my obituary to read- Mother of 2- The End
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