Do Unto Others

This summer has been an interesting summer of learning. I am learning to trust my instincts regarding what is best for me and what is not in my best interest. Because of poor decisions made in my past about marriage, education and employment, I had become distrustful of my own judgement. After deep and slow contemplation, I have discovered that right now especially, I am in full command of the brightest mind I have, thus far, possessed. After a disappointing session of algebra wherein I didn't pass, (by a mere 2 points), I have evaluated and discerned what is the best course to take to learn algebra. For me it is repetition and reading about how to solve equations. I retain the majority of what I read quite easily. Math has always been tough because it is not memorization based. I am using memory to retain the process and then using my problem solving skills to do the math. I rely on my calculator because my mind is easily fatigued by math. As a consequence,I feel more confident in my abilities. In regards to employment, I have learned that it is better in this financial climate to give less information. I have lost jobs due to be "overqualified". I have found with my current job that letting anyone know I was ever in management and in college has marked me as a "smarty pants" with my 20 something, drug-addled, barely literate slacker co-workers. I have re-discovered that only people with severe self esteem isssues like to bully their underlings. From a psychological standpoint, a person that has little self-esteem and is stuck in a dead-end crappy poorly paying job and is angry about it will pass along that frustration to others aka displaced agression. I am dealing with this kind of a person right now. My difficulty is rising above it and just getting the paycheck. The leader in me wants to change the way things are done since they follow none of the rules of good customer service. Therefore, I am learning to switch off my feelings and carry on, which goes against the grain of everything I stand for regarding being a good retail worker. The biggest hurdle I've yet to jump is regarding dealing with people. I always thought that most people were nice and wanted to be kind and do their best. I am realizing this is a lost value. I want to do the best job I can regardless of the pay, who's watching, and whatever glory is achieved. Everyone seems so paranoid about anyone finding their "weakness" that they all walk around in a sumo wrestler stance. Gossip and backstabbing are an everyday occurance in nearly every single job I've had in the last 13 years. I feel like I am austistic in some way. I DO NOT GET PEOPLE ANYMORE!!