Home Sweet Home

I never had a home in the true sense. I lived in a house in Ohio as a young child, but that ended with when my Mom left her abusive husband. We lived with my grandma for a while and then moved to an apartment above a store. The year before I got married I moved back with grandma until I got married at 21. We lived in an apartment in Pontiac, and another apartment in Mt. Clemens where I had a stroke and was disabled for 3 years. My ex-husband and I bought our first home in Harper Woods. My ex lived there for 2 years and then we divorced in 2001. Due to financial challenges after the divorce and black mold growing in the house that I was unable to repair, I lost that home to foreclosure in 2007. My kids and I moved to Grosse Pointe Park, which was the first place I had ever lived in that I found for myself. After losing my job in 2008, I went to college and looked for work which didn’t come until 2010. I had to move to Romeo in April of 2010 and then lost that job in September, and moved up north with Mom and Dad in October. It was bad enough never feeling like I didn’t belong as a child, but as an adult, it has nearly become a burden too heavy to bear. My panic is that I will never be able to financially be able to support myself. I have been instilled with a sense that everything falls apart eventually, so while I strive to have a better life, in my darkest moments, deep down I think I will probably never achieve it. When I look at other’s lives from Facebook , I wonder if they know how blessed and lucky they are to have a home, a job, a family. My kids are far away in another state. I am too poor to travel to see them. I consider it a great week when I get enough hours to make $100. My car is almost 20 years old and has 200,000 miles on it and it’s on its 3rd engine. I know things could be worse, but I also wonder why I’ve had such a crappy life. Did I do something to deserve this? Did I offend God in a previous life somehow? Without some sort of miracle, I will never have a home sweet home, a Christmas dinner surrounded by friends and family around the table, a sense of belonging. I really just want a place to call home. I just wonder how everyone else has done it.