I Will Survive (?)

Although I tend to come off as confident, I have deep fears.
I am moving from my house to a rental. The house became too much for me. The cost is high and it was slowly falling apart. The roof is bad,the driveway collapsed, and the foundation is cracked.
I got married at 21.I went from my Mom,to my ex husband. I had two apartments with my ex, one for a year and another for 12 years. Then this house where my ex lived for less than 2 years. I have lived in this house without my ex since 2000. It was a fixer-upper. But it never got fixed up. I had no money to do it. The economy in Michigan collapsed right along with my house. Although I went to college, I can't find a job in my field.
I got the news that the house was no longer mine. It had been forclosed, then auctioned. The same night, I went online and discovered the rental I now have. I am a firm believer in God's grace and His ability to use what was planned for Evil to be used instead for good. Finding this apartment was a " God Thing"

Now,onto the problem du jour: My ex is acting physchotic. Seriously, in the Cho sort of way. He has decided that "I've had the kids long enough." He'll give me money as long as I " give the kids to him". 3 phone calls to my cell phone Friday night at work. Lots of yelling. But I'm not "supposed to feel threatened". Funny, I do. He never hit me, but it was only a matter of time until it happened. What he did verbally, was as bad as a punch to the face. Just not as easy to see.
So, here's my Achillies Heel: I always feel inadequate.My ex knows that. He always knows which buttons to push. I have support but my parents live 200 miles away. My friends and brother are over in Ferndale. My sister, although capable of killing with her bare hands from Navy training, lives all over the place. They've all "got my back" but considering recent events in Virginia, are any of us safe? No support group can keep you safe from crazy. I have only rare glimpes of feeling safe. Those people either turned out to be anything but,or they've gone away.I try to remember to find security in God. But He doesn't have arms to hold me. He doesn't screen my phone when "Crazy" calls.
I am insecure yes.This is, I suppose, all part of Denise growing up. I am 42,but I was so sheltered,that I'm really like a kid. This is the first apartment I've ever rented on my own. My very first Big Decision, so I'm a little scared.
But who isn't scared of craziness?I just don't know what he might do. He's enraged.
Does anyone ever feel as though they're okay? That they'll survive? They can rely on themselves? Because I never feel that way.