Everyday I write the book

I had a conversation with my Mom this morning. She has been praying that God would guide me to a new career. I have been praying the same for quite a long time.
In another conversation with a co-worker about God's blessings on the attempts we make to change our lives, I confessed that I always make a point to look to what God blesses as far as what things to pursue. God's blessings have not been on my goal of a medical career. I'm good in that field at least as far as educationally. Let's face it though, I'm a bit old to be starting out in a physically demanding career in medicine and I have my own medical problems.
The only thing that seems to get any decent response is my writing. Not everyone even reads my blog, but those that do give me positive feedback. This year my aim is to write as much as possible and see where it leads me. This will undoubtedly mean seeking a second job to pay my bills, but rather than waste a lot of time and energy on college, that has thus far, led me down the garden path, I shall endeavor to reach a new goal. Let's see what God blesses.

I am a rock, I am an Island

It is quite apparent to me that all of us in this world are seeking love. I know a lot of us aren't finding it.
I have lived my 43 years so far for the betterment of my children and formerly, my spouse. Now I find that I am very alone in this world. My parents are still around but live 200 miles away. My siblings have their own stuff going on. My birthday was yesterday. My mom called me, and a few folks left messages on MySpace.
This isn't a pity party, but it is an eye opener. What sort of connections have I lacked in making that has brought me to this desolation? It brings to mind the quote of Thoreau and" quiet lives of desperation"
I work, I clean, I cook, and rarely, I spend time with "friends", but are they really friends? What does that mean? How important am I to anyone? Is this my fault? Have I been a shitty friend and therefore I am reaping the consequences?
I am truly at a lack to understand why it is I can't seem to make connections in this world. I am not referring to romantic aspirations necessarily either, although that would be great too.
Feedback please...... anyone??..........................

Uh, theres a little tp on your upper lip.....

I have been feeling increasingly more anxious lately.
Michigan is it's own circle of Hell from Dante. Jobs are very scarce.
Our state is over 7% unemployment.
My parents have had to shut down their business, and my dad had to go on the road truck driving. Bill collectors called my mom and freaked her out.( They're vicious now, FYI, for those that can pay their bills on time.) My doctors office called me today to inform me that I missed my appointment and if I did it again they'd charge me $50.After 3 times, we'd be dropped as patients. I have been going to this doctor for 13 years. If they didn't stop answering phones early on Fridays, I'd have been able to cancel my 7:30 am Saturday appointment.
People in my store rant and rave at us for price increases, as though we can do anything about it. This economy is wretched. It has destroyed families and I have heard so many stories about people losing their jobs and becoming homeless. These aren't poor uneducated folks, but people with degrees.
I guess I an naive enough to wonder why people have to attack one another when we're all suffering. I don't bitch at the store employees because I can't afford steak. I just buy what I can. Hell, I still donate clothes. I offer meals to friends that need them, I give a buck extra to the guy that sell papers on the corner, while hauling his oxygen tank in a kids wagon. Being disabled hasn't stopped him from trying.He doesn't bitch either.
When did people become such assholes anyway?

Once a great place, now a prison.

Just when Detroit looked stupid, the City Council had to join in just to be certain that it looks childish as hell.
They refused to listen to his budget for the fiscal year. It may be against the law to do so. Conyers called the council president "Shrek" in a meeting last week.She also intimated that he was a bully. It's not the first time she's been an ass.
What in the hell is this? Middle School?
Just so your not mistaken, The City Council seems every bit as inept and self serving as the mayor himself. Conyers antagonistic "street" lingo and thug attitude might be great on the West Side but City Council? Come on....
Eh, maybe Detroit is getting exactly what they deserve. It's just so sad to see a once great City fall to a mess because all those in charge care about their own agendas rather than what is good for the city.
Click on the Free Press link on my page and check it out. So sad.......

Livin Near The D

Detroit has been in the news recently because of the Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick.
Is it as bad as it sounds? Yes, in fact, worse.
Most of my friends and I agree what will probably bring him down is when they find the link between him, the police and a stripper that was shot to death, that had filed charges against the mayors wife for beating her during a strip show at the Manoogian mansion. OOoophhh! Such a lot of crap always goin'on in the D!
I'm a white suburban girl with an East side Detroit mentality. I was raised in the lily-white burbs of Rochester.But my mom was a shop rat. She working in a plastics factory, then a paper mill and finally made tanks in Warren.I grew up surrounded by prosperity, but I hadn't much myself. My mom didn't make much money until I was a senior in high school. I thinks that's why I can relate to the D and it's troubles. My family was for the most part, blue collar from farmer stock. Now my kids are in the same type of situation being in Grosse Pointe Park, The Wrong Side of The Tracks. Their mom works in retail. We're pretty poor still, but my kids are getting an excellent education. Not everyone in GP is a snob. Usually the snobs are from GP Woods and are just Wanna Be's, or as I refer to them, douchebags. They're not very rich or cultured, just arrogant and rude. I am poor but educated. Still working on that well paying job business.
I'm so sad for Detroit. I love it. I'm a architecture junkie. Such cool stuff to be found. There are really great things to do in the D. As I've written in some of my first blogs though, The D has a shady history when it comes to it's government. Their own leaders, black or white, seen to thrive on nepotism, corruption and greed.

Sticks and stones......

I am a victim of abuse. I was never hit or punched but I was abused none-the-less.
I am a recovering victim of verbal abuse.
I still have problems with boundaries but I have come very far in the last 3 years.
People see me now as very confident and assertive, it wasn't always the case. I was a frumpy haus-frau that made peace and took a lot of bullshit in order to keep the peace and keep the vision of "family" alive although it was always a delusion.
My kids are now seeing my ex as an abuser themselves. He has the tendency to control others and say whatever it takes to get his way. My daughter called him an abuser to his face. I used to think of her as exaggerating, but I have come around to seeing the truth. After reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, I was chilled to the bone. It was as though she had been an unseen witness to my relationship.
He was always wonderful in front of others, only to turn into Mr. Hyde when we were alone. He still does the same thing whenever I'm forced to deal with him because of our kids. He does that with the kids too. They've told me he's great when others are around and turns into a screaming lunatic when it's just them. My daughter refuses to see him anymore. I am trying to give her some coping skills so she can have a relationship with him but still refuse the abuse. Is that even possible? I'm not entirely sure.
I had even fallen as far as to utilize some of the manipulative techniques towards my children. I was a child in many ways when I married and grew up learning the ways of relationships with my ex. I'm very careful now not to do that with them anymore.
He's a victim too. His family dynamic is the reason he is abusive. But he refuses to see anything wrong in the way he conducts himself. I just want to break the cycle in my children. I am already seeing the signs of the illness presenting itself in them. At this point I am still reluctant in my dealings with him. I have 16 years of experience with this man. Now though, I have had 7 years away from him. It's better from this side.

I like cooking with wine-sometimes I even add it to the food.

I have inadvertantly become a hermit.

Anyone that knows me will tell you I am a very outgoing sociable person. I am loud, boisterous and fun loving. Lately, however, when I attempt to make connections, I fall flat. I am finding it is very difficult to make friends at 42. Lacking in the commonality that I relied on in high school, I no longer belong to a particular social group. I am usually among the oldest of students at college. I no longer attend church and Phi Theta Kappa was boring to me.
I do not suffer fools and my standards are high. I have a wicked sense of humor, I read, I make conversation, but most of my human contact consists of people I help in my store at the mall. Simply by virtue of their "consumerism", I tend to find little in common.
My greatest friends lately have been books, especially in the form of biographies.
My companions in the last couple of weeks have been Lord Curzon and his daughters, Alva and Consuelo Vanderbilt, Janice Joplin, W.C. Fields, and Augusten Burroughs.
For sheer obnoxiousness, I would relish a friendship with Burroughs or Fields.
All of these folks are flawed, yet so compelling. I like taking time to look beyond imperfection to find the nugget of sublime bliss. I don't find others around me inclined to the same.
Often I'm sad about my self-imposed exile, but an evening of W.C. Fields is my idea of fun! So, off to Amazon I go to seek him out on DVD.