Sticks and stones......

I am a victim of abuse. I was never hit or punched but I was abused none-the-less.
I am a recovering victim of verbal abuse.
I still have problems with boundaries but I have come very far in the last 3 years.
People see me now as very confident and assertive, it wasn't always the case. I was a frumpy haus-frau that made peace and took a lot of bullshit in order to keep the peace and keep the vision of "family" alive although it was always a delusion.
My kids are now seeing my ex as an abuser themselves. He has the tendency to control others and say whatever it takes to get his way. My daughter called him an abuser to his face. I used to think of her as exaggerating, but I have come around to seeing the truth. After reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, I was chilled to the bone. It was as though she had been an unseen witness to my relationship.
He was always wonderful in front of others, only to turn into Mr. Hyde when we were alone. He still does the same thing whenever I'm forced to deal with him because of our kids. He does that with the kids too. They've told me he's great when others are around and turns into a screaming lunatic when it's just them. My daughter refuses to see him anymore. I am trying to give her some coping skills so she can have a relationship with him but still refuse the abuse. Is that even possible? I'm not entirely sure.
I had even fallen as far as to utilize some of the manipulative techniques towards my children. I was a child in many ways when I married and grew up learning the ways of relationships with my ex. I'm very careful now not to do that with them anymore.
He's a victim too. His family dynamic is the reason he is abusive. But he refuses to see anything wrong in the way he conducts himself. I just want to break the cycle in my children. I am already seeing the signs of the illness presenting itself in them. At this point I am still reluctant in my dealings with him. I have 16 years of experience with this man. Now though, I have had 7 years away from him. It's better from this side.