Nightmare

When I was married in 1986, I had visions of a long marriage, children, working to have a nice home, maybe a cottage up north, children's weddings, grandchildren and large family dinners around a family table for Christmas.
I see many of my high school friends enjoying this same dream. They've had divorce, death, tragedy and sadness in their lives too, no doubt.
I've lived the last 15 years like a zombie; I sailed through the last 4 years with my ex trying to hang on to a corpse of a marriage because I didn't know what else to do. When it was mutually decided that the ex should leave, I put my energies into working and going to school. My dream then shifted to getting an education and then fixing my home, getting the kids through school and then college. I lost a job, found a new one and continued in college. Then my house became toxic with black mold. I didn't make enough money to fix the roof, and several homes in my neighborhood had black mold, so the spores found their way into my home. Because of the economy, my commissions- based income went south. The house was the next dream to die. It wasn't the nicest place but it was mine. The house was foreclosed on.
The program I finished in college lead to low paying part time jobs. Another dream died.
I moved to a new flat that was nicer and larger than my house. Then after a year, the job was gone. This dream too was short lived due to poverty. I went to college for nursing but my GPA was only 3.6 and not 4.0 so I didn't make the cut for clinical's. Dead dream.
My daughter moved to Colorado to try and escape Michigan's horror.
I was offered a position working in senior assisted living and then moved nearly 50 miles away to avoid the drive and to be available 24 hours a day to the job. I had to leave my son behind to finish high school, which was heart wrenching.
I have lost the job and another dream dies.
I am moving 160 miles north to live with my parents, work part time and get my bachelors degree in Gerontology. I am a dreamer. I pray that this dream will not turn into yet another nightmare.
The idea of a Holiday dinner spent with family seems like an unattainable fantasy. Thoughts of being an old woman living alone in poverty seem like the future to me now. Any nightmare I've had pales in comparison and my waking hours are far more terrifying than any dream. Will everything I dream end in death?