Coming Out of the Fog

The ongoing battle with insomnia had me watching TV at 1:00 a.m. and I stumbled across POV on PBS. The show was about a guitarist, Eric Metzgar, that suffered a brain hemmorhage and his recovery back from a vegative-like state. I went back to my own time when an anuerysm struck at 29 and led to a stroke.
My recollections are that it was like being drugged. I felt like a zombie. I had no facial expressions, and I recall feeling disconnected from my emotions as if I were watching my life from the outside. I wanted to go back to my life before, but I had no idea how to do it. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't remember how to do simple things. My kids pre-school teacher had to call me to remind me to get my kids from Story Hour. I couldn't remember how to get to the grocery store about a mile from the house. I had been deemed " not damaged enough" to require rehabilitation, so my family doctor, knowing better, recommended role playing and memory games on the computer. ( Thank God my parents had one, this was 1994) I could barely take care of my kids or myself and there I was, doing it anyway. The death knell had been sounded on my marriage (unknown to me at the time) and I had to get better fast to survive. It took 3 years and survive I have. Recently, my algebra prof asked if I was aware of my loss of abilities at the time and when I told him I was, he was horrified.It's been scary as hell, and I still shed tears. There are still residuals, though most people wouldn't notice. I thank God everyday that I survived. That being said, if I have another stroke- I hope it kills me. I'd rather never go through this again.