Debbie Downer

I have been giving a lot of thought to accusations of being negative. I can, like most people, fall into a fugue. I have been treated for depression especially after my stroke and subsequent brain injury.However, I get really pissed off when people assume that my take on things is in some way a "character flaw".
First of all, I have had several life altering circumstances that were mostly due to other's life choices like my Mom's disaterous marriages, my ex's philandering, and things I had just happen to me like my stroke, losing my home etc. ad nauseum. My outlook is rather colored by those situations. I have definite trust issues and I am the first to admit I am very gun-shy when it comes to people.I was kind of shy as a child and because of things that were said to me by my ex ie: that no one could stand me and I was useless, I feel insecure and unsure of myself. I have had brief periods of really liking myself and also found that "haters" couldn't line up fast enough to knock me back down. As if to say "oh, you feel good about yourself? Well, don't forget, you're still fat and you don't have a job". I know what's wrong with me thanks. I know I have a weight issue although I am convinced it's not problem for me, only others. I know I need a job and that is why I am trying my damnedest to finish my degree and why I fill out applications daily. I always want to scream " THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!! I KNOW I NEED A FRIGGING JOB!!!" I am happiest with a handful of friends, a few acquaintances, and lots of people that I have nothing to do with.Secondly, I was raised to be nice to people, even if you don't mean it or feel like it. I expect the same from others which always is disappointing and leads me to avoid people again for a while. I prefer very real people without pretense and let me tell you, those kind of people are very rare indeed. Everybody has to "front" these days. So, when you want to call me or anyone else negative, just don't. You're only making a situation worse. Try being kind instead and you may change someone's outlook on life, mine included.