Life has consistently taught me one thing- I'm better off keeping people at arms length. The writer in me craves interaction; the injured being that I am requires me to distance myself. The profoundly deep feeling that " I'm just not good enough" that was reinforced throughout my marriage.
I wish it weren't that way. My friends have the ability to have intimacy, while I find it to be a painful, degrading episode. The very moment I begin to feel as though I can be like other people, I get smacked down by the reality that I am not acceptable. If my outlook is one of protective loathing of human contact, at least I can avoid the pain of rejection.
2 comments:
my prayer for 2011 is to work through this
or not- because I was right the first time- I might be a jaded bitch, but I am a smart jaded bitch
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