Pomp and Circumstance

All of the graduation festivities are over and my oldest, Abigail is getting ready for college. She pondered why i hadn't finished college myself.
Simple: My kids where my priority. I took parenting very seriously as a career. I didn't have kids to push them off on a daycare center or a nanny. I wanted them to be excellent individuals. They did have to do the childcare thing after the divorce, but I had put the core time in with them. I taught them to read. I encouraged their individuality and interest in music.
I'm so sad when I see people drop off infants at a center. I know that sometimes things happen; divorce, single parents, been there.
I've met the kids whose parents seemingly had them because it was " the thing to do". They're like accessories, a Prada bag or scarf. The kids are left with others deemed sufficient for child care. Those kids are usually into drugs and or alcohol. They have very low self-esteem.
Better to never have kids if you don't take it seriously. Seriously......

Don't need to think- ya need to drive

I nearly went to Speed Dating with a friend when I found I had double booked.Then I escaped. Thank God. Everyone tells me I need to get out there and meet people; straight people instead of my usual gaggle of gays.
Dwelling upon it I have discovered that I really don't want a "relationship" right now. Or perhaps ever.
I am a middle aged woman of "generous proportions" and I have found that is not a commodity men are in the market for. I am also opinionated, intelligent and I actually read books that require a college vocabulary. Whilst many a larger gal would settle for any penis bearing man, I simply refuse to compromise. I am not a consolation prize. I am the whole package of wonderful.
Also, my writing and reading of obscure books has become an obsession as of late. I would much rather read a choice book than get "nekkid" these days. Plus sex has become a DYI project ( sorry TMI huh?)When I feel lonely for companionship that is remedied by a day with my GBF ( gay best friend), who also reads books, conjugates verbs, has manners and is 20 years younger than me. ( did I tell you that I'm immature?) That does the trick for me.
Maybe I'm just too old. Don't know, and don't care much either. I am way too old to try the cute thing and too bright to deal with Nascar lovin' goomers that seem to have multiplied in the cess pool that Michigan has become.
No thanks...............

Woefully unprepared

My former life as a mother and housewife has ill-prepared me for the corporate world.
My identity was in fostering good feelings in people. Support, nurture, kindness.
Christianity has led me to desire to be kind, giving, loving and yes, even to love my enemies. I feel I am a pretty decent person. I try to be anyway.
None of this is a good thing in my current occupation. I can utilize my good nature to lure in customers, and if I follow the corporate desires, convince them to buy things whether there is an actual benefit or not. I feel not unlike the snake-oil salesmen of days of old. I am at a crossroads in my job. I dislike it, no that's not strong enough; I HATE IT! I am paid very little and much is expected. I have to drive 30 miles one way. The company has managed to suck all humanity out of my position.
" The numbers don't lie. You're only as valuable as your average sale and profitability." It's so not me. I have had to become something I barely recognise as myself in trying to keep my kids and I alive, housed and fed. I am now compromising ethics I vowed to keep as a medical assistant.
There are few opportunities in this area. I remain hopeful, but it's getting harder to do so. I often wish I could just be a soulless asshole. It would be easier to cope. Alas, it's just not in me.

Everyday I write the book

I had a conversation with my Mom this morning. She has been praying that God would guide me to a new career. I have been praying the same for quite a long time.
In another conversation with a co-worker about God's blessings on the attempts we make to change our lives, I confessed that I always make a point to look to what God blesses as far as what things to pursue. God's blessings have not been on my goal of a medical career. I'm good in that field at least as far as educationally. Let's face it though, I'm a bit old to be starting out in a physically demanding career in medicine and I have my own medical problems.
The only thing that seems to get any decent response is my writing. Not everyone even reads my blog, but those that do give me positive feedback. This year my aim is to write as much as possible and see where it leads me. This will undoubtedly mean seeking a second job to pay my bills, but rather than waste a lot of time and energy on college, that has thus far, led me down the garden path, I shall endeavor to reach a new goal. Let's see what God blesses.

I am a rock, I am an Island

It is quite apparent to me that all of us in this world are seeking love. I know a lot of us aren't finding it.
I have lived my 43 years so far for the betterment of my children and formerly, my spouse. Now I find that I am very alone in this world. My parents are still around but live 200 miles away. My siblings have their own stuff going on. My birthday was yesterday. My mom called me, and a few folks left messages on MySpace.
This isn't a pity party, but it is an eye opener. What sort of connections have I lacked in making that has brought me to this desolation? It brings to mind the quote of Thoreau and" quiet lives of desperation"
I work, I clean, I cook, and rarely, I spend time with "friends", but are they really friends? What does that mean? How important am I to anyone? Is this my fault? Have I been a shitty friend and therefore I am reaping the consequences?
I am truly at a lack to understand why it is I can't seem to make connections in this world. I am not referring to romantic aspirations necessarily either, although that would be great too.
Feedback please...... anyone??..........................

Uh, theres a little tp on your upper lip.....

I have been feeling increasingly more anxious lately.
Michigan is it's own circle of Hell from Dante. Jobs are very scarce.
Our state is over 7% unemployment.
My parents have had to shut down their business, and my dad had to go on the road truck driving. Bill collectors called my mom and freaked her out.( They're vicious now, FYI, for those that can pay their bills on time.) My doctors office called me today to inform me that I missed my appointment and if I did it again they'd charge me $50.After 3 times, we'd be dropped as patients. I have been going to this doctor for 13 years. If they didn't stop answering phones early on Fridays, I'd have been able to cancel my 7:30 am Saturday appointment.
People in my store rant and rave at us for price increases, as though we can do anything about it. This economy is wretched. It has destroyed families and I have heard so many stories about people losing their jobs and becoming homeless. These aren't poor uneducated folks, but people with degrees.
I guess I an naive enough to wonder why people have to attack one another when we're all suffering. I don't bitch at the store employees because I can't afford steak. I just buy what I can. Hell, I still donate clothes. I offer meals to friends that need them, I give a buck extra to the guy that sell papers on the corner, while hauling his oxygen tank in a kids wagon. Being disabled hasn't stopped him from trying.He doesn't bitch either.
When did people become such assholes anyway?

Once a great place, now a prison.

Just when Detroit looked stupid, the City Council had to join in just to be certain that it looks childish as hell.
They refused to listen to his budget for the fiscal year. It may be against the law to do so. Conyers called the council president "Shrek" in a meeting last week.She also intimated that he was a bully. It's not the first time she's been an ass.
What in the hell is this? Middle School?
Just so your not mistaken, The City Council seems every bit as inept and self serving as the mayor himself. Conyers antagonistic "street" lingo and thug attitude might be great on the West Side but City Council? Come on....
Eh, maybe Detroit is getting exactly what they deserve. It's just so sad to see a once great City fall to a mess because all those in charge care about their own agendas rather than what is good for the city.
Click on the Free Press link on my page and check it out. So sad.......